Monday, December 14, 2009

on excessive bodily fumes

I don't want to sound mean, but I rather feel the need to vent about the obnoxiously pungent odor emanating from somewhere in the desk pod behind mine. I'm not sure of the perpetrator, but I'm strongly considering leaving fun-size deodorant on all four of said desks simply because I'm fed up with feeling the incessant nasal sting of other people's body funk.

There is a common courtesy that most normal people in the workplace observe, and that courtesy is known as good personal hygiene. I know this sounds like a lot to ask for- I mean, my GOD, washing your armpits is such a chore- but if I had one wish, it would be that all who read this take both heed of my words and a long, hot bath.

Paraphrased from wikiHow, here are six steps to smelling good all day:

1. Take a bath in the morning. Nothing beats the cold rush of water that instantly awakes you and washes your sleepiness away. If you want to smell good, your shampoo and soap must also smell good. Wash your face too and dry up with a clean, fluffy towel.

2. Apply deodorant and antiperspirant. If you have hyperhydrosis (that's medspeak for excessive sweating), use something like Driclor or CertainDri.

3. Spray on your favorite scent. Splash your cologne all over yourself. If it's perfume, spray it on the pulse points (on your neck, behind your ears, on your wrist).

4. Spray perfume on your clothes.

5. Be ready with a beauty kit. Stack on these must-brings to save you from sweat and odor:
# Tissue wipes – use this to wipe up any grease or odor from your body.
# Powder – apply on hair (blondes) or body to feel refreshed and absorb sweat.
# Cologne – baby colognes works best to cover up any smell.
# Mints – have no time for brushing? Stack on some mints to avoid bad breath.
# Brush and hair serum – for that bad hair day to go away!
# Oil blotting paper – to wipe all the grease on your face.
# Hair deodorizer - spray it on your hair to cover up the hideous smell of sweat.
# extra shirt - in case you really get smelly.
# deodorant - make sure it is small so you can freshen you anywhere.

6. Excuse yourself and go to the nearest restroom to freshen up. It is best when you're alone.

1 comment:

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